oh wow!! here I am

things have been extremely hectic lately... where do I even begin...

in order for for my family to afford Yule time gifts we cut off a lot of the extra's, TV, web that sort of thing.  I about lost my mind going without the net for that long but we managed.  Thankfully here I am, back again in my own little world. :)

My family did have a wonderful holiday together, kids were spoiled as always.

I'll add some pictures real quick and when I get a more open moment I'll really sit in and go into detail about the 2 or so months I've been away.  I promise.

 

Greetings

I decided after reading plenty of blogs out there to start my own dealing with myself, my family, my life and dreams.  My name is Milos, I am a 22 (nearly 23) year old mother of 2 living in a itty bitty city in the middle of no where in the grand state of Iowa.  I am a eclectic Wiccan (beginner who has always craved magic) who hopes my two children will be raised to love and worship nature as much as I do.  My life to put it simply is something that could have been several lifetime movies.

*my father was a drunk, he developed Hep C and cirrhosis when I was 11, my mother a heavy smoker and she developed emphysema when I was in 2nd grade.

*My father began to sexually abuse me when I was 10 years old to when I was 13.  My mother knew because I told her yet she never did anything about it.

*He was physically/mentally abusive to the entire family.

*My mom ended up in the hospital several times during the course of her emphysema because she couldn't stop smoking, the summer of 2001 she took a turn for the worse and passed away August 1st leaving myself, my sister and brother alone in the world.  Instead of suffering through anymore abuse the day after she passed I called the police to report it.  We ended up in foster-care and have since then all aged out of the system.

*because of my abuse and my mothers death I developed several mental disorder: PTSD, depression, anxiety issues, Borderline-personality disorder, EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified, leaning toward anorexia).  

*I started cutting myself the year before my mother died and have struggled with it ever since, even to this day when things become stressful I have a hard time not resorting to cutting to deal with it.  My arms, legs, torso are covered in scars.

*I've been admitted to the hospital a couple times in the psych unit.

Now that I am a mother to two of the most beautiful children imaginable I want to make sure they have a life I never got to have, one filled with sunshine and laughter.  With dreams, hugs and kisses, with hope and love.  I am here as a human being, sharing my pain in the hopes it helps others like me.  

May the Goddess find you all in bright spirits.

My son, daughter, and I enjoying the park

My reason for joy

here's me, Milos